I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
