all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize