I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
how does that bad decision feel?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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