Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
