ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
