I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
