Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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