Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
