i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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