I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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