are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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