those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
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