I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize