I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
