If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize