Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
