before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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