Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
