Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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