dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Can I color on your dick again?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
