I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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