The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
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She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
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I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I made him laugh his dick is mine
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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