Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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