Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
