yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
