I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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