I've blown a few things in my day
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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