I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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