so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
