im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
