Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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