Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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