How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
