Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
