So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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