I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
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I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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