my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
