Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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