Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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