whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
