Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
just tell him i said nine months
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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