she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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