So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
