i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
