i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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