Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
