11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
