Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
meet me or not, i'm out of control
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
How does one acquire holy water?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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