they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
