party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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