I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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