im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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