I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
