But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
