i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
