it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
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Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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