I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
