wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
